Run #3170 by Dr. Haik at Bukit Gambir

Run #3170 at Bukit Gambir will go down in kennel lore as the day Dr. Cancel decided he couldn’t be arsed and outsourced the whole bloody mess to Fuck Yew — and boy, did we get fucked. What was advertised as a “scenic romp” turned into a sadistic jungle gauntlet right from the beginning, featuring a near-vertical opening climb that felt less like hashing and more like auditioning for a mountain goat documentary. The souls who showed up; by the end, questioned their life choices somewhere halfway up that rock wall with death drops on either side. Trail? What trail? This was pure bushwhack chaos. Just when the pack thought the worst was over, Fuck Yew unleashed an absurdly steep downhill that had everyone sliding, clawing, and swearing their way down like drunk crabs. Ankles were twisted, dignity was lost, and still the madness continued with a final climb that was “somewhat doable” only if you quads of steel. Most runners staggered back well past the 2-hour mark, emerging from the jungle in the dark like survivors of some low-budget horror film. And then came the legend of the night: Mini Sausage, the last man standing (barely). This poor bastard only made it back at 9:45pm after hitching a goddamn Grab from the other side of the hill — in the rain. Yes, rain. Because apparently the heavens also wanted in on the punishment. Back at the run site, the remaining hashers had MacGyvered “shelters” out of car trunks and umbrellas, looking like a refugee camp for the terminally misguided. The circle? Short and vicious. By the time it kicked off, it was pushing 10pm and everyone was wet, knackered, and out for blood. The hare was absolutely torn to shreds for reckless endangerment, nonexistent shortcuts, and the cheeky attempt to dump rescue responsibility onto the committee. Down-downs were handed out with extra venom, and the abuse flowed faster than the beer — which, to be fair, was the only redeeming feature of the evening. Verdict: Criminally irresponsible trail. Sadistic hare. Epic suffering, legendary stories, and well-earned beers. On On — and next time, maybe outsource your brain too, Haik.