Run #3172 by Punjabs at Charlie Market

Run #3172 at Charlie Market kicked off in proper Penang H3 fashion — with confusion, cheap paper, and emotional damage. But before the circus began, the kennel paused for a one-minute silence in memory of our fallen comrade, Milk Man. Even the loudmouths shut up for once, which might be the rarest event in hash history. A fitting tribute before 45 idiots charged into the jungle pretending they know what they’re doing. The Vasakhi Celebration Run by the Punjabs began with instructions to follow what looked like the leftovers from three previous runs and possibly a recycling bin fire. Clearly the hare budget was spent entirely on beer and curry instead of paper. Still, off we stumbled through 3.4 km and 300 metres of muddy suffering. Rusty took his usual position at the front, confidently failing every check. Time and again the poor bastard actually found the correct direction, only to stop because it required walking further than the length of his own equipment — which, according to eyewitness reports, wasn’t exactly an expedition. Eventually the pack found the trail again and were rewarded with a decent uphill before being hurled into a classic Penang death descent: slippery mud, thorny bushes, arse-over-head slides, and enough scratches to make everyone look like they lost a fight with a horny tiger. Crawling down through the thorn-infested jungle toward the cemetery felt less like hashing and more like an unpaid punishment detail. But once the sematery appeared, the end was near and the promise of free beer pulled the pack home faster than any whistle. Back at the runsite, the Punjabs absolutely smashed it with the feast. Freshly cooked food in ridiculous quantities had the short-cutters circling like starving vultures, already stuffing takeaway containers before the FRBs had even sat down. Free-flow beer turned the place into instant chaos, which only got worse once the circle began. Or “mismanaged itself into existence,” more accurately. Bah Bak was crowned the new Beer Bitch, relieving FFH, who still insists nobody understands circle management better than him despite decades of evidence to the contrary. Morning rain had turned the jungle into a mud wrestling arena, so every slip-and-slide victim earned a well-deserved cooling down-down. Special mention to Taliban, ceremoniously thrown onto the ice after receiving the utterly useless Punjab “CEO” award. Naturally he tried to dodge drinking properly and instead made a complete cock-up of himself, to nobody’s surprise. Huge thanks to the Punjabs for a cracking Vasakhi celebration — brilliant trail, savage downhill, endless beer, and enough food to feed the kennel until Deepavali. Verdict: Excellent celebration run. Cheap paper, dangerous downhill, hopeless check solving, magnificent food and unlimited beer. On On!