Run #3180 by Black European at Charlie Market

Thirty brave idiots assembled at Charlie Market to see what Black European had prepared. At just 3.9 km with 350 metres of climbing, it looked suspiciously innocent on paper. Naturally, it wasn't. The trail specialised in skirting through every patch of shit available, dodging falling rocks that nearly converted Wantanmee into instant noodles, and serving up two checks before saving the real punishment for the final lung-busting climb. It was one of those runs where every five minutes someone shouted "Check!" and every thirty seconds someone shouted something considerably less printable. The day's navigation award went to Skidmark, who somehow managed to turn the second check on the hash highway into a guided sightseeing tour towards Hor Lan. Like obedient sheep, the pack followed, with Sam only turning back when he was literally about five feet from finding the bloody check in the first place. If there were Olympic medals for confidently leading people in the wrong direction, Skidmark would be standing on the podium draped in gold. Not content with one offence, he later committed another by racing Crocodile. There are some crimes even the RA should struggle to forgive. Nature also suffered casualties. Gay Boy has clearly evolved into Fat Fucking Gay Boy, demonstrating enough gravitational force to pull down an entire giant tree directly in front of Fat Fucking Hor. Environmentalists will no doubt demand compensation. Meanwhile, Beh Bak somehow perfected the impossible art of front running while missing every single check. Logic suggested he should have ended up in Butterworth, yet somehow he and Ah Leong still emerged at the front of the pack. We may need a formal inquiry, or at least a GPS tracker attached to Beh Bak's shorts. Back at the circle, politics briefly entered the proceedings when Kali arrived wearing the unmistakable colours of Malaysia's MIC party. Coincidentally, MIC had just won three seats in Johor, so naturally Kali was immediately rewarded with a stint on ice as the kennel's newest political representative. Wantanmee earned well-deserved down-downs for resisting the temptation to head in early for once, proving miracles do occasionally happen. With Black European making a disappearing act before circle, Sai Seng inherited the prestigious title of Cock Hair on Ice to take the abuse on behalf of the absentee hare. Democracy may have been celebrated, but justice certainly wasn't. Verdict: Excellent trail. Questionable navigation. One tree fewer than we started with. Beh Bak still defies the laws of physics, and Skidmark remains a public safety hazard. On On — and next week, less political campaigning, fewer forestry incidents, and perhaps someone should confiscate Skidmark's sense of direction.