Run #3192 by Itchi Bai at Bukit Gambir

Thirty-five supposedly experienced hashers gathered for this weeks run. On paper, nothing particularly frightening according to the hare. Unfortunately, paper would soon prove far too complicated a concept for the assembled intelligence of Penang Hash House Harriers. The trouble started at the junction above the first climb, where somebody encountered one of the great mysteries of modern civilisation: an arrow. Rather than looking around the corner in the direction the bloody thing was pointing and finding the next piece of paper, our navigation expert decided it obviously meant BACK CHECK! Calls went flying, the pack scattered, and within minutes PH3 had ceased being a Hash run and become 35 independent expeditions across Bukit Gambir. From there, every possible interpretation of Itchi Bai’s trail was attempted. Some heroes were back at the beer wagon within 30 minutes. Others ran the trail backwards. A few eventually returned to the scene of the original cock-up, discovered that arrows do indeed point in a direction, and continued onwards. Meanwhile, the FRBs who had correctly followed the arrow in the first place demonstrated that stupidity is not restricted to the back of the pack: after breaking the check they failed to connect it properly, leaving the late stragglers to solve the bloody thing all over again. By the end, perhaps five to seven hashers actually completed the full run, although nobody could agree which direction constituted “the run” anymore. Itchi Bai meanwhile enjoyed himself immensely at home as wave after wave of prematurely returning hashers arrived accusing the Hare of foul play, sabotage and crimes against hashing. The Hare’s defence was fairly convincing: the paper was there, the arrow was there, and apparently the only thing missing was a functioning brain. Fortunately, all sins are forgiven when the piss starts flowing. Plenty of subsidised beer, good food and a magnificent 12 bottles sacrificed to circle down-downs restored peace, dignity and several blood-alcohol levels. By the end nobody particularly cared who had completed the trail, which direction they had run it, or what an arrow actually meant. Verdict: Good trail. Innocent Hare. Absolutely useless pack. Thirty-five started, five-ish actually hashed, and one arrow defeated the rest. Excellent beer, excellent food, magnificent confusion. On On — and next week perhaps Itchi Bai can provide a PowerPoint presentation explaining arrows.