Run #3193 by Siao Kia at Bukit Jambul

The usual collection of misfits assembled at Bukit Jambul for another Monday afternoon of questionable exercise and guaranteed beer. There were a couple of welcome faces among the degenerates: Mini Sausage had returned from his overseas adventures, presumably having failed to find a kennel willing to adopt him, while Porky was back on his trotters after a bit of a physical downturn. Good to see both bastards back in action. Unfortunately, Siao Kia was the hare, and judging by the morning's torrential downpour, Mother Nature had already decided to make his miserable trail even more unpleasant. Off we went, skirting around Bukit Jambul. And skirting. And skirting some more. At some point, the pack began wondering whether Siao Kia actually knew how to enter a hill or was simply trying to circumnavigate the entire bloody thing. The morning rain had turned the ground into a slippery mess, providing ample opportunities for involuntary acrobatics and muddy arse landings. Just when everyone thought the endless skirting couldn't get any more ridiculous, Leech announced that he'd lost his phone somewhere along the trail. Back he went on a rescue mission, eventually teaming up with Mini Sausage for what can only be described as a spectacular display of technological incompetence. The two geniuses decided to ring the missing phone. A mysterious ringing noise suddenly erupted, causing Mini Sausage to panic, convinced his watch alarm had gone off. Instead of recognising the bloody obvious, he proceeded to convince Leech that the phone must be somewhere else entirely. All this while the two clowns were practically standing on the damn thing! After sufficient confusion, unnecessary searching and a complete failure of basic detective work, the phone was finally recovered. Sherlock Holmes would have resigned on the spot. Fortunately, the return trail was considerably more pleasant than the first half, and the surviving hashers eventually made it back without further casualties, missing electronics or emergency rescue operations. With the pack thinning out faster than the beer supply at a free-flow piss-up, the Circle kicked off a little earlier than usual. The entertainment came courtesy of Kali, who had spent the days leading up to the run trying to organise a Deepavali celebration. Unfortunately, the Circle had serious doubts whether the old bastard would actually live long enough to attend his own event. Not to worry, the Hare Raiser generously promised that should Kali kick the bucket before the big day, the celebration would simply be converted into his memorial service. Same date, same crowd, probably more beer, and one less mouth to feed. Whether Kali appreciated this thoughtful contingency plan remains unclear, but the rest of the degenerates certainly enjoyed planning his farewell while the poor bastard was still breathing. In the end, all's well that ends well. Leech got his phone back, Mini Sausage discovered that ringing noises sometimes come from actual phones, Porky survived his comeback, and Kali is apparently still alive long enough to attend his own memorial. Even Siao Kia managed to get everyone home in one piece, despite his apparent obsession with the outer perimeter of Bukit Jambul. Verdict: Endless skirting, slippery shiggy, two hopeless phone detectives and one premature funeral. A proper Hash disaster with a happy ending. On On